Hi! My name is (what?) My name is (who?) My name is Fucking Stupid.

This is off topic… but when am I ever on topic… I have been thinking recently about changing my name. Now, most people besides my parents don’t know my given (slave) name because for the most part I despise it. Both of my biological parents were kind of free thinking, hippy individuals and they named me something common as fuck. So, throughout my life I grasped onto any nickname given to me and that came to fruition when I became Chop. Well, Pork Chop… but, for the most part, it has been shortened. And thanks to a nice Belorussian girl I used to talk to, I earned the name Snowbeard on the back end of that… her name was Anastasia… I miss her but my trip to Belarus fell through and she stopped talking to me… story of my life.

Now, although everyone calls me Chop, I don’t think it would be a good time having to stand in front of the judge telling them how I want to change the name because my given first name sucks moose cocks… as a matter of fact, I don’t think the judge would take kindly to me saying things like “moose cocks”. In Missouri you get to pay the fee and explain to the judge why you have decided to make the decision to call yourself Dick Slap Johnson and I assume they can say yay or nay on the decision. I am proud of earning Chop but I don’t want to have to try to convince someone of why I like it more.

ralph-kramdenSo I am talking about my last name… I do not have any intention of changing it to Snowbeard… although it sounds like it has a little Pirattitude and that is something I look for in everything but it is the name I acquired through a now defunct possible relationship and how awesome would it be to explain that to someone who may look into marrying me down the road how I came about that name. I don’t hold out a lot of faith that I will get married but, you never know.

I am a bastard so I currently carry my family name, unfortunately all of the decent people who held my name are dead and almost everyone else are a bunch of cunts. I would not want my child (if that happens) to carry my family name. I have a bit of a conundrum with the options though… I have two dads… not like Chuck and Larry but I have Ralph Kramden my biological father and I have Oris the Terrible my step-father.

I lean toward my biological dad not only because he spawned me but his name is a lot aleasier for people to pronounce it seems. I have great relationships with both of my dads and worry a little about hurting Oris The Terrible’s feelings if i did that… he never adopted me as his own but that is my dad and I love him to the point that I am tearing up a little at work while writing this thinking about him and the same happens with Ralph Kramden.  On a side note, both of those motherfuckers better outlive me cause that shit already bothers me seeing them get old. Neither of them will ever be as old as my mom, that couger, but they are still getting up there. My mom no longer carries the family name so she was not included in the whole cunt thing. My mom is a giant dork who is horrible at choosing names but I love her dearly also, even though she seems to be actively trying to take herself out. Talk about clumsy… geez.

So anyway… that is where I am at currently… I think one day this may happen because i really dislike that side of my family for the most part and my Ralph Kramden side of the family is awesome… even my curmudgeon uncle. Oris the Terrible had kids before me and mostly they suck besides my sister… the brothers won’t take the time to learn what a great guy their mom made them miss out on their whole lives.

But that is another post…

 

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