I generally reserve my food reviews for actual restaurants. I never wanted to become one of those people on YouTube rating Totino’s pizzas or frozen burritos after eating them religiously for 30 years.

But this morning…

This morning hit me so hard I had two choices.

Either tell all of you about it…

…or jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.

I have discovered a combination of two food items that, when introduced to each other, doesn’t just taste good…it creates a full blown explosion in your mouth.

Not one of those wimpy, overused “Mmmmmmmmm…” moments from every food commercial ever made.

I’m talking about a flavor combination so ridiculously good that if someone told me the only way I’d ever get to eat it again was to lick a grizzly bear’s ass…

…I’d already be halfway over the fence before they finished the sentence gunning for that chocolate starfish.

And don’t give me that typical worn out food critic nonsense.

“The subtle cilantro creates a delightful contrast with the roasted bell peppers while transporting your palate to a quaint Parisian café where Mozart gently plays in the background…”

Shut up.

Nobody cares.

People aren’t watching your review because you’re Shakespeare with a fork.

And you cry yourself to sleep every night because deep down you know the truth.

They’re watching because they want to know one thing:

Is it good or not?

So here’s my review.

Great Value French Toast Cream Cheese.

On homemade steakhouse bread.

That’s it.

That’s the review.

It’s so damn good I’d attack a grizzly bear just to toss his salad for another bite.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Would absolutely risk permanent disfigurement for this combination again.

Now if you’ll excuse me…

I’ve got another slice waiting.