A Post to Help the Men of the World. Read This and Live by it.

please-make-it-stop-for-the-love-of-god-make-it-stop-meme-27228

Howdy y’all,

I have recently been forced to have several conversations about cologne. I will get into the meat of the conversation later but it prompted me to ask on my Facebook wall for the ladies to give me their favorite cologne they like to smell on a guy.

Several ladies and some guys replied to it and I actually ended up with far more answers than I expected which is always good.

This entire article is dedicated to my nephew who I have had to have these conversations with. In essence, this article is talking to him without having to have another conversation.

The answers were as follows:

Brut – one of the most popular men’s colognes was first launched in 1964. It is originally produced by Faberge Paris. Brut’s Top Notes are Lavender, Anise, Lemon, Basil, and Bergamot. Heart Notes are Geranium, Ylang-Ylang, Jasmine. Base Notes are Sandalwood, Vetiver, Patchouli, Oakmoss, Vanilla and Tonka Bean.

Old Spice – Originally launched as Early American Old Spice by William Lightfoot Schultz’s soap and toiletries company, Shulton Inc., in 1937, it was first targeted to women, with the men’s product only being released before Christmas at the end of that year. Over time as the men’s products found more success it began to focus exclusively on those. Old Spice top notes are Orange, Lemon, Spices, Clary Sage, Aldehydes. Heart notes are Cinnamon, Carnation, Geranium, Jasmine, Heliotrope, Pimento Berry. Base Notes are Vanilla, Musk, Cedarwood, Frankincense, Benzoin, Tonka and Ambergris.

Money – As in if you got the money you could smell like ball sack after a workout in the jungle and you could still get some.

Gravity – a Masculto-axe-body-spray-users-24575ine Scent by Coty launched in 1992. Top notes are Clove, White Pepper, Sage. Heart notes are Freesia and Lime. Base notes are Leather.

Nothing X3 – There were three people who said just man scent was enough.

Acqua Di Gio X 4 – A light fresh fragrance. The male counterpart to Acqua di Gio for ladies. Ideal for the summer. This fragrance in recent years has been the number one best men’s seller in the USA. Top notes are Jasmine, Rosemary, Hespiradic Notes. Heart notes are Persimmon Fruits and Marine Notes. Base notes are Cedar, Patchouli, White Musk and Rock Rose.

Citrus Scents – Find a citrus cologne or rub yourself with limes… apparently, Chrome is Citrus

Grease, Oil and Machine Shop – They don’t sell this in a shop but it is pretty popular… unless your base notes are ball sweat and shit. You try to go for this one a lot, unfortunately, you do it with the base notes I mentioned.

Chrome x2 – by Loris Azzaro is a popular fresh citrus scent, launched in 1996. Top Notes are Bergamot, Bitter Orange, Transparent Musks. Heart Notes are Ivy, Lichen, and Hedione. Base Notes are Mate, Sandalwood, and Rosewood.

Herrera – A great Fougere style fragrance that lasts. Top Notes are Fern, Clove, Lavender. Heart Notes are Amber, Tobacco, Geranium. Base notes are Sandalwood, Cedarwood, and Musk.

On a completely unrelated note, I once hung out with the former drummer for Fear Factory, Raymond Herrera, he was nice.

Bathed x3 – I am sure every one of the answers wanted this one but three people specifically said that keeping your nasty ass washed was good enough for them. And would make my life better having to be around you.

Sex Panther – Sex Panther is a fictional fragrance from the movie Anchorman, except it isn’t fictional anymore, they have made it into a real fragrance. 60% of the time, it works every time. Sex Panther fragrance notes are Sandalwood, Pine, Vetiver, Rich Mahogany, Real bits of panther so you know it’s good.

Gunsmoke – This is sold in the store in the form of Ammo. The scent doesn’t last but it is one of the best smells in the world.201601_1038_ieebc_sm

Cool Water x2 – One of the best selling fragrances ever. This fragrance along with Eternity by Calvin Klein sparked a reinterest in the fresh Fougere market. Top notes Lavender, Coriander, Peppermint, Rosemary and Orange Blossom. Heart notes are Jasmine, Oakmoss, Geranium and Sandalwood. Base Notes are Amber, Musk, Sandalwood and Cedar

BaconLube – Scent Notes Bacon and Dirty, Dirty Sex.

Burberry Weekend is a women’s scent so I am assuming she just meant Burberry for Men – Formerly known as Burberry, then Burberry London, but then back to plain ol’ Burberry in late 2005 to make way for new Burberry London scents. Top notes are Targete, Blackcurrant, Green Apple, Peach, Marigold, and Bergamot. Heart Notes are Jasmine, Sandalwood, Cedar, Moss, Lavender, Mint and Lime. Base Notes are Musk, Vanilla, and Tonka Bean.

Aqua Velva Aftershave – Aqua Velva Ice Blue is a masculine fragrance by Williams. The scent was launched in 1935. Top notes are Bergamot, Lavender, Peppermint, Petitgrain, Lemon. Heart Notes are Clary Sage, Jasmin, Vetiver, Sandal and Cedarwood. Base Notes are Labdanum, Musk, Amber, Moss, and Leather.

Amen – This very distinct sweet fragrance is one of those you either love or hate. Based strongly on the ladies Angel; A*Men (Angel Men in the US) contains unusual notes of Chocolate, Coffee, and Caramel. Most of the notes are “edible”, so this would appeal to anyone with a sweet tooth. Funky bottle too, which is also available encased in black rubber, that does not only look stylish but is ideal for traveling. Top notes are Bergamot, Helonial, Lavender, Peppermint. Heart Notes are Coffee Bean, Tar, Patchouli. Base Notes are Tonka Be16ontnan, Vanilla, Caramel, Chocolate and Musk.

Eternity – Still popular today, this fresh Fougere fragrance inspired many wannabes. Top notes are Mandarin, Lavender, Green Botanics. Heart notes are Jasmine, Basil, Geranium, Sage. Base Notes are Sandalwood, Vetiver, Rosewood, Amber.

Nautica – Nautica Classic is a masculine fragrance by Nautica. The scent was launched in 1992 and the fragrance was created by perfumer Robert Gaudelli. Top notes are Bergamot and Lemon Oil. The heart note is Sage. Base notes are Sandalwood, Amber and Musk.

Drakkar Noir – A classic. Drakkar is the Viking word for dragon boat. Top notes are Basil, Rosemary, Green Mint, Verbena, Lavender and Lemon. Heart Notes are Angelica, Wormwood, Coriander and Juniper. Base notes are Patchouli, Oakmoss, Cedarwood, Pine Needle and Balsam.

Stetson – FIFI award winner in 1982. As you try to paint yourself as a more Redneck than anyone has ever rednecked, this one may not be a bad one for you. Top notes are Lemon, Lime, Bergamot and Lavender. Heart Notes are Patchouli, Jasmin and Vetiver. Base notes are Amber and Tonka.

Whatever she buys me – this is not a bad idea because you will never be offensive smelling to the girl you are with at the time… but you may never get to this point if you smell like Jabba the Hutt before you get far enough with the girl for her to start buying you cologne.

Polo Red – Polo Red is a masculine fragrance by Ralph Lauren. The scent was launched in 2013 and the fragrance was created by perfumer Olivier Gillotin. Top notes ar3fd1879e71b2aedac48506a7dde98901768114fc37830cd5cec8a9d3800a455b_1e Red Grapefruit, Italian Cedrat, Red Cranberry. Heart Notes are Red Saffron, Lavandin, Red Sage. Base Notes are Red Wood, Amber and Coffee Berry

Mary’s Kay’s Velocity – Velocity for Men is a masculine fragrance by Mary Kay. The scent was launched in 2004. The person who suggested this said that it smells good but after 30 minutes you can no longer smell it. Top notes are Green Tomato Plant and Lime. Heart Notes are Boxwood and Coriander Leaf. Base Notes are Lime Bark and Cedar Sap.

Hugo Boss x2 – Distinctive bottle, shaped like a water flask. A refreshing fragrance, pale blue in color. Top notes are Grapefruit, Green Apple, Pine Needles, Thyme, Spearmint, Basil, Cedar Leaves and Rum. Heart Notes are Jasmine, Sage, Geranium Leaves, Clove, Lavender and Cedarwood. Base Notes are Moss, Fir Balsam, Sandalwood, Vetiver and Suede.

Grey Flannel – FIFI award winner in 1976. Top notes are Violet, Lemon, Orange, Petitgrain and Galbanum. Heart Notes are Clary Sage, Rose and Geranium. Base Notes are Oakmoss, Sandalwood, Cedarwood and Tonka

Caged – Caged is a masculine fragrance by Rue21. The scent was launched in 2014. The fragrance notes are Citrus, Mandarin, Green notes, Sandalwood and Patchouli.

 

That concludes all the comments I have gotten on the Facebook post and elsewhere.

Now to explain this post to everyone besides my nephew reading it.

Do you all know what was not mentioned anywhere in the answers to the favorite cologne question?!

FUCKING AXE BODY SPRAY!

Do you know why no one answered with Axe?!

Because it smells like a bag of smashed assholes.

Please, guys, for the love of everything good in this world, stop using Axe. Women and any guy who’s nose functions will thank you. Not that most guys are sniffing you but that shit lingers and forces people to suffer.

This post does not extend to the other items Axe produces, they are not terrible but the body spray… fucking horrible.

I used to urydwmse it when I was younger and it first came out and I don’t know what happened, if I grew some taste or what but that shit is like getting punched in the face now when I smell it.

And I smell it far too often as my nephew doesn’t think it smells too bad.

He could have left hours ago and I can still smell that nasty shit which leads to calls and texts from me telling him to stop using it in the house.

He kept on so I threw all of that nasty shit away and told him that he could use anything I have whenever he wanted but he was to never bring that stuff back in the house.

I do not use anything on the list above although there are a few of them I would like to smell.

Part of the reason I use none of the above is because I prefer oil and not a spray cut with alcohol that doesn’t last.

My favorite cologne ever is Andalus by Arabian Oud. Those cock bags discontinued my Andalus so I have a few drops to last me the rest of my life because I can not find someone who can reverse engineer it.

Arabian Oud is my favorite place to scent shop but the nearest store to where I am sitting currently is in London, England.

I used to go there whenever I was in Dubai and have bought several different scents from the various shops around town but sadly I have very little left.

Some of the Arabian Oud Bottles could be collector’s items.

Another scent I have always liked and found through a door to door salesman who had some was Joop!. It was a knockoff oil but it has lasted me years with barely using any and I get complimented on it still.

Joop! Homme was a bit of a shock when it first appeared. Bright pink liquid, Pink box. Sweet smell, and it’s for Men? However, over ten years down the line it has proved to be a classic. A tip, though: The fragrance is quite potent, SO PLEASE DON’T SPRAmorpheus-what-if-i-told-youY YOURSELF WITH HALF A BOTTLE OF IT BEFORE YOU GO OUT.

Joop! Top notes are Bergamot and Cinnamon. Heart Notes are Orange Blossom, Jasmine, and Honeysuckle. Base Notes are Sandalwood, Vetiver, Patchouli, Amber, Tonka Bean, Musk, and Vanilla.

A new scent that I have picked up based off of a recommendation from Jason Ellis is Kiehl’s Original Musk. Kiehl’s Original Musk is a shared / unisex perfume by Kiehl’s. The scent was launched in 1963.

Top notes are Bergamot, Nectar, and Orange Blossom. Heart notes are Rose, Lily, Ylang-ylang and Neroli. Base notes are Tonka, White Patchouli, and Musk.

This wraps up everything I use and many other suggestions to hopefully keep my nephew and every other guy in the world from buying Axe Body Spray.

Axe is cheap, I get it, but you get what you pay for usually… except in this case. In the case of Axe body spray not only do you get less than you are paying for, you are paying to be offensive to the people their commercials tout that you will impress.

Women.

to-all-the-12-year-olds-who-use-it-you-really-dont_o_1222138

2 thoughts on “A Post to Help the Men of the World. Read This and Live by it.

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