For some, the title will make you think of the Coreys.
If you do not know the Coreys… Slap yourself.
Corey Feldman and Corey Haim made some of the best 80’s and 90’s movies and there could almost be a post about them… and maybe one day but they are not the purpose of the post today.
Today, I am going to talk about some dreams I have been having.
Generally, I am a sound sleeper.
Like really sound.
Like slept through mortars in Iraq sound.
I have always liked that I sleep so hard because it keeps me from getting woken up at every little noise but here lately, it seems much easier to wake me up.
This sucks pretty bad because I work nights and everyone seems to have little issue with banging around the house while I sleep.
I miss the days this would not bother me.
Along with being a hard sleeper, I have dreams I remember pretty often… or at least I remember them for a few minutes.
Usually, these dreams are ok or downright weird. Not nearly often enough for my liking do I get touched inappropriately in my dreams.
Lately, not terribly often, but enough that I remember it, I have been having dreams that have me waking up with tears flowing.
Crying in my dream has me apparently crying in my sleep.
I want to say that internally, I do not think it is a bad thing to cry if you are a man. That shit helps sometimes. I try my damnedest to not do it because I don’t like it but I know it has to happen. It is not often but when the weight of the world presses down on me for a while, random shit will start setting me off easier and easier… movies especially.
I remember every time I have straight up cried in my adult life and though few, they have been some serious, soul cleansing break-downs. I am not sure if I can count these dreams but I know they were bad.
The problem is they aren’t helpful because I’m not awake to try to understand them.
It has happened two times recently.
The first time, I do not remember the details but my dad died and it destroyed me.
The second one is more disturbing and is causing me to admit to you things I don’t generally talk about.
Like me crying like a little girl with a skinned up knee… or even worse, Hillary supporters.
The second dream was about my Papa.
My Nanny and Papa had a large part of raising me, especially when I was small. I was in Iraq when my Nanny died and I lost my shit. There was no holding that back, I have never in my life felt a loss to that extent. Out-processing to get home was a nightmare as was the drive from Missouri to Oregon in a blizzard.
My Papa died a couple years ago after a long bout with Alzheimer’s and losing him did not hit me as hard because I had prepared for it.
Or so I thought.
It was a weird dream, sadly I do not remember much of it… in it, Papa was dead but was for some reason alive and he did not know he was dead.
I remember crying partly because I got to spend time with him again with him being back to his normal self and crying that I had to lose him again later in the dream.
When I lost him is when I think I woke up to my tear-covered pillow.
I do not know why exactly I am having these dreams or why I am telling you about them but I hope none of you ever have to.
They are just this side of soul-crushing.
Do I have any dime store psychologists in the audience? What do you think? Can you help me have more getting touched dreams and less my world just fell apart ones?