Perfect… They are all… perfect…

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Howdy Y’all,

My mom was born on 11 July 1956 in Ukiah, California.

Ukiah is a little more than two hours north of San Francisco if you did not know.

I did not because I have never been there nor do I have many inclinations to step foot in The People’s Republic of Commiefornia, except to possibly smuggle ammo to the oppressed people of that state.

Eventually, she moved to Missouri where she graduated from the same high school as me, Neelyville High in Neelyville, Missouri.

unnamed-2She ended up moving to Texas, and I was conceived somewhere between Austin and Fort Worth in late in late 1979.

I was then born in the first half of 1980 in Fort Worth, Texas.

My mom and biological dad broke up at some point in my early life, and it was mostly just me, her, my Nanny and my Papa.

My dad is awesome and was still in the picture, but he moved to Oregon, so I did not see him much.

It was just us until she met and married my step-dad within a six-month stint when I was around seven.

Outside of forcing me upon this world, that may have been the best decision she had ever made.

The jury is still out on if bringing me into the world was good or not.

617089_4031295901071_1146541174_oI am happy to say that I was blessed with a mom who, though she had her fair share of problems always had my back and two dads who did too.

My mom was a bit of a Conservative Hippy which should go a long way towards explaining her outlook on things.

There were times that I was less than proud of her while growing up and some of the reasons trouble me still, but she was unfalteringly in my corner, and the same can be said for anyone she cared about.

It has taken me over a month to write this, and I am crying as I do so, sitting in front of the dam at work.

My dad told me to call him at 0226 18 Dec 16.

I had just left the gas station where I go about that time every night when I am at work.

My mom had a stroke.

I called to get my shift covered so I could start the 4-hour trip down to Poplar Bluff, MO to see my mom.

In the interim between me learning of the news and getting to the hospital, I got hold of my brother Jon to have him go sit with dad, which I am still thankful that he did because dad did not sound of sound mind on the phone.

I also found out that some Dr. in Memphis said that sending her to them would not do her any good because apparently, they are a bunch of punk bitches who got their degree from Cracker Jack.

Upon arriving, I got those clowns in Poplar Bluff on the ball for seeing if someone would accept my mom because they were not going to have a Neurologist in the hospital until the next day and they seemed fine with that.

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Facebook Post : Chop Snowbeard was feeling lost.
Dec 18, 2016 11:12am
My mom had a bad stroke… I left work and drove down to Poplar Bluff… my dad told me that the neurologist in Memphis would not accept her because there was nothing he could do… I asked them to call around, especially MU in Columbia because they were phenomenal with Vicki and as hoped, the doc said to bring her to Columbia… I hope this is a good sign… because up to this point it hasn’t sounded that good… Dad and I are waiting on the life flight to get here and then we are going to be driving back up. Dad is not doing well, my brother Jon helped dad out a lot going to the hospital at 0300 to help keep dad from losing it while I drove down. I’ll take my family I earned any day over most of the ones I share blood with.

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They contacted Mizzou in Columbia, MO at my request because I know that their Neurology team was top notch based on prior dealings with them when Chris’ mom had a stroke and aneurysm.

Mizzou accepted her, and she was life-flighted up to Columbia.

As a side note, there was a girl on the life-flight team named Nance, she is not only a relative of some friends of mine I went to high school with, she was also pretty dreamy.

It may not go along with the sad story, but my mom wouldn’t mind… hell even dad noticed she was cute… don’t judge me.

I think it even prompted dad to tell me that mom always hoped to see me get married.

Thanks, dad.

Facebook Post: Chop Snowbeard updated his status.
Dec 18, 2016 2:33pm
just got an update from the Life Flight crew made it to Columbia with no issues and they’ve got her in the hospital, possibly getting a CT scan

So we drove back up to Columbia and spend most of the next two days in the hospital.

Mom’s stroke was pretty much one of the worst ones you can have, she was bleeding around her brain stem, and they said even if she recovered which was unlikely, she would probably be in a vegetative state.

She was doing some of the breathing on her own, but eventually, she probably wouldn’t be.

unnamed-1Facebook Post: Chop Snowbeard was feeling incomplete.
Dec 19, 2016 6:32am
I would have posted last night, but once we found out a little of what was going on, I got a room and passed smooth out, was running 30+ hours.

We got to the University Hospital in Columbia, they ran a CT scan before we got the and wanted to do an MRI but as of the last, I heard they weren’t sure if the magnet would have an effect on the internal pain pump she has in her stomach.

She is bleeding around her brain stem which is pretty much the shittiest place to bleed… anyone who knows my mom knows that she is the most catastrophic accident prone person in the world… if she has an accident, she has to do it in the worst way, so this makes sense to me.

The last time I had to come home was when she was just walking through the house and Russians, or someone made her fall, and she broke her hip… I told her she was not old enough to be geriatric yet.

When I was a kid, she was shopping a butcher knife fell and drove like 3/4 of the way through her arm, so bleeding around the worst part of the brain is like Tuesday for this woman.

They told us she is not a candidate for surgery because they don’t think it’ll work.

They took a second CT scan before I left and told us that the bleeding is not getting worse, but the swelling is they have her on high sodium water to try to counteract the swelling, but it doesn’t look good.

Her left side twitches a lot, and she mostly breathes on her own with a little help from the ventilator but they don’t seem to sound like this will get better.

She looks they are about to disconnect her from the matrix, and she is going to fight with Neo and shit for all the stuff she has hooked up to her they said the worst of it is usually 72 hours after it happens, so we are waiting to see.

Dad is trying to come to terms that he may have to follow her wishes and have them shut her assistance off if there is no chance she will recover past a vegetative state. I may have to do it, which is ok if it if one less thing for him to deal with. He is angry that he may lose his comic sidekick

He thinks I am taking this better than him, he is wrong, I need him to think that… I just had to get a hotel room alone so I can keep making him think that, he is having a hard enough time as it is.

Thank you, everyone, who are thinking about us.

I’ll update if I get any new news today.

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Facebook Post: Chop Snowbeard.
Dec 20, 2016 7:29am
update:

The bleed around mom brain stem isn’t getting larger, but it doesn’t have to… even on the CT scan, it looked pretty big and apparently it is.

Barring a miracle, even if mom could recover, which at this point looks very unlikely, dad would have to spend his life doing absolutely everything for her with very little chance of any form of ever being acknowledged by mom again. I know he would man up and do it without hesitation, but I personally could not deal with mom being in that state or the fact that my dad would never have a chance to have a happy day again, neither would my mom because she has said never to let her live like that.

We are starting the process of letting her die this afternoon, I may have to tell them if dad can’t because, though neither of us are to the acceptance stage, I think I am a bit closer.

she still breathes mostly on her own, but once they pull that damn ventilator out of her mouth, they expect her to start shutting down.

They are going to make her comfortable with pain medication and a drug that keeps her from feeling oxygen deprivation because her lungs can not keep up adequately.

If she is still holding on after a day, they will move her to a different part of the hospital.

A day after that, into a hospice until her body decides to give up.

Dad and I decided that we will have her cremated, we will take her with us to see my sister Sarah, and put most of her ashes in the ocean.

The rest of her will go with me overseas, I have been talking to her a long time about how much better her quality of life would be if they would move to Thailand, so I am going to put what remains in the ocean there.

She always wanted to live near the beach.

We are not going to have a service, mom did not have many people besides me, dad, Sarah and our Aunt… not including the family I have earned throughout life that are all sons and daughters to mom and dad… the closest anyone else lives who might go is Texas, so we just don’t see the point.

I also couldn’t risk it, dad has leaned on me this whole time, and I am proud to kind of be his anchor point through this… I can’t break down now

Thank you, everyone who has been helping me through this, I don’t think dad has seen any of these posts yet… though I think he suspects that I am secretly a wreck, he is allowing me to be one when I am alone… mostly during writing these.

I wanted to go before my Nanny and Papa, much less my mom or my dads.

Now I have to kill one of them per her wishes. — feeling broken.

 

529053_4386772467763_2137961894_nWe decided on 20 Dec to take her off the breathing apparatus and allow her to breathe on her own until she decided to stop.

The nurses had her on drugs so she did not suffer and Dad and I sat with her until she took her final breath.

Facebook Post: Chop Snowbeard updated his status.
Dec 20, 2016 6:52pm
she decided to stop breathing.

I had to remain strong for my dad because he was not holding on very well but inside, neither was I.

I only sat alone with my mom once and only for a few minutes during this whole ordeal, and I lost it.

I miss her more than I ever imagined I would.

Unless your parents are absolute shitbums, cherish them.

I do a pretty good job of not letting much get to me, but this is impossible, I certainly hope that I am the next one to play Cards Against Humanity with death because I do not know if I can handle him coming for anyone else.

I love and miss you, Mom.

I am sorry I did not tell you more often.

She loved the movie and this instrumental.

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2 thoughts on “Perfect… They are all… perfect…

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