Phones, Women and Cannibalism

St. Petersburg is, to date, my favorite city in the world. It has great architecture, gorgeous women, loads of things to see and do and gorgeous women. We realized after the first night or so that getting a single room was a mistake. I realized it more than my brother as I am the less attractive, shyer of the two of us.

I GOT PAID! AAAAND it’s gone.

I doubt anyone from Tuscumbia, Missouri reads Chop's Guide but I have a friend who not only works at Dispatch with me, she has also been working at the T-Town Deli. She cooks for us in dispatch all the time and it is always good so imagine what she can to with an actual facility. She brought me an Enchilada the other day and it was pretty fantastic... would be great if I could sweet talking her into delivering me foodstuffs every day I am in Dispatch. Hint, Hint, Crystal.

Murder in the First.

I love E-Dub, he will always be a friend but if this wasn't a case of self-defense, they need to bury him under the jail. Things like this always make me wonder that if I had been around, could this have not happened. There were some kids I grew up across the street from in Mansfield, TX named Brooks. They all turned out to be shit-bums as far as I know and I always wondered if I had stuck around, would it have turned out that way.

Why don’t you like (insert westernized country here) women?

I understand, I am not pretty and am nice enough to just keep on a back burner, I have dealt with that my whole life. It is the modus operandi of your modern westernized woman. Now, let me admit, I am not the best person at communicating, ask my entire family about when I was in Iraq and they would never hear from me unless they called. I am sure I have accidentally made people feel the same way throughout my life and I am sorry, but it wasn't intentional. As much as I am dicking around on my phone nowadays, I really don't talk on it much.

Parenting: What You’re Doing Wrong. If You’re a Shit Parent.

If your pre-pubescent child is biting you/hitting you/kicking you and rather than punting that little bastard across the room, you call 911, you have failed as a parent and it will never get any better. That kid now knows you have absolutely no power. You should send that kid off to military school or something because that kid is going to grow up to be a piece of shit otherwise. Probably just like you.

Online Dating: Things that Drive Me Insane about Girls on the Dating Circuit

With my street cred being established, I am going to talk about some things that girls do on their dating profiles that drive me fucking batshit insane... the main reason for this is because it is ok for girls to have absolute shit profiles but guys have to be Gods among men, be 100% on point and have some flawless, next level shit to get noticed, much less get any replies.