As the lonely bastard that I am and have always been, I am very experienced in Online Dating sites. I am possibly more experienced than any other four people combined, not because I have any luck at them or anything… I have just been joining them out of boredom since the late 90’s. You name it, I am probably a member. Well boredom and the hope that someone will tolerate me.

With my street cred being established, I am going to talk about some things that girls do on their dating profiles that drive me fucking batshit insane… the main reason for this is because it is ok for girls to have absolute shit profiles but guys have to be Gods among men, be 100% on point and have some flawless, next level shit to get noticed, much less get any replies.

I tried to provide examples for as many of the gripes as I could, I hope you enjoy.

I understand a couple of group pics among pics of the person who owns the profile but every single picture being the girl in a crowd of people does not make her look fun… it annoys the fuck out of the guy trying to figure out what the girl looks like because it is like playing a game of where’s waldo. Most girls nowadays tend to dress the same and have the same hairstyles… I’m nor saying all white people look alike but a girl in a crowd of other girls without an explanation of which girl is whom can make the similarities hard to distinguish.

I see posts a lot of just parts of the girls face… sure that is a nice dimple but show some picture of all these puzzle pieces together… piecing it together is a pain in the ass… It makes me think the whole picture must be godawful and you hope a potential date will only look at your chin mole.

I am not the most fun guy in the world… mostly due to lack of funds and being lazy but fuck me you women make it look like I am a regular Most Interesting Man in the World. “I love sports and drinking” may be God’s gift to some men but for me, I think I’d just as soon be alone… I am not big on sports unless it is Fighting, X-Games or sports where girls jump and never been much of a drinker… I drink but it isn’t like my life goal. Same goes for girls who’s only hobbies are exercising and Shopping (these are both examples I have seen… the only hobbies they mentioned)… The exercising and shopping girls sound like they are going to make me feel like shit about myself while simultaneously breaking what little bank I have. I realize I can exercise too and would if I had a lady into it but those being the only two hobbies make her sound boring as fuck… you’re still going to die… maybe do some enjoyable shit.

The people who look boring as fuck at least put something down… If an Average looking guy wrote nothing on their profile… the only likes they will get will be bots… I know a lot of guys just go for looks but there have been loads of girls who are hot as fuck I have “swiped left” on because they put jack shit about themselves on it (usually because they also do something else on this list that annoys me… it’s not usually something that instantly has me swiping left but no guy could get away with that shit. I have noticed also that most of the people who don’t fill anything out are skinny/pretty people… sure, sometimes they can get by on their looks but fuck, not knowing anything about someone going in is annoying.

I understand being judgmental about some things… If I see a chick who is all like I am in the KKK or I am part of the Black Lives Matter jackasses or I am Voting for Killary KKKlinton because she is one of the worst people in history then I will certainly not be going out of my way to talk to her… but being judgmental about petty shit… why? I saw one that said, “If you watch any show on AMC then you would not be a match with me.” Really? You are basing people because they may like The Walking Dead… you have to be a DREAM to be around.

We live in an era of technology and PHONES! Why in the fuck do you not have more than one picture on your profile? Even worse, no photo at all… just why? Almost every person in the world nowadays has a phone… there is no excuse. Saw a profile just today that not only had just one photo but it was from the neck down… now, to be honest, it was a nice body… but again… why?!

SOOO Sick of all the bitchiness on profiles and in general… I don’t need no man… I need a man who can handle all this or one I saw the other day “If you aren’t prepared for flat out honesty, swipe left”… I read that as I want an excuse to be a bitch whenever I feel like it but I will disguise it as honesty… and then all these women complain because they can’t find a decent guy… It’s like Dave Chappelle said, “Chivalry is dead and women killed it!.

The majority of profiles that I see that contain nothing but a picture are of what I would say are considered pretty girls… you get some horse-faced Debbie Wasserman-Schultz look-alike profile and that bitch is filled out with more information that you can grasp in one sitting but some of the ones who look like Megan Fox think they can get by on just pictures. They can, there are loads of guys who only care about how they look but it is another indication for me that they may be boring… sure, physically I may want to touch them inappropriately (like Kesha) but the lack of information just bothers me

WHY do some girls only post face pics… well I know why, they are self-conscious of their bodies and I understand completely… I am a tubby bastard, I do not dig how I look for the most part (besides these big beautiful lips) but I also do not only post face pics… they are a form of lying, I understand if you don’t dig your looks but trying to make your looks be something else to try to attract a guy is essentially lying. Looks are not everything but they are part of it and lying from the outset does no one any good.

We are in an era of every person having a camera on them at all times and still we have profiles with absolutely horrible photos on them… grainy photos or photos in the dark and even some of the stupid filters make them horrible.. it isn’t artsy… it is shit… take a few decent photos and put them on your profile… don’t find the 5 photos that look like they were made pre-Civil War era and think those do you any justice…

I am looking at you for the possibility of maybe spending the rest of my life with you (it is a far-off goal but you never know)… so with that being said… I do not want to see a flower, a wagon wheel or a dog’s nostril. I also do not want to see memes and motivational quotes… I want to see you, I run across a lot of profiles that have a single picture of the person and like 6 pictures that they apparently took while having a seizure…

If you’re single why in the fuck would you put pictures of you and a guy on there all cuddled up… I would understand if it had something on there stating it was your brother… but if it isn’t your family… don’t put pics of you and a guy… makes people think maybe you aren’t as single as you make out to be… or even worse… why would anyone family or not put pics of just a guy… like the guy alone… in their profile… I saw this the other day and it blew my mind… what would possess you to do that? I may be friends with the coolest girl in the world but there is not a snowballs chance in hell she would ever be on my dating profile… that just gives off mixed signals.

I look for girls all over the world… I never did that great with American girls anyway and I hope to be back overseas… so in my search for girls all over the world and my mastery of the English language, I do not understand all these girls I meet who tell me they are from the States or Canadia but have a grasp of English on the same level as the average Filipina or Egyptian… I know for the most part they are fake and all seem to have spent time in Ghana but it just kills me how adamant they are when I call them out that they are really American and English is their first language… even if I tell them that I would probably like them more if they weren’t American… If there is a possibility that you aren’t just looking for cash… be who you are… unless you can be Pirate Batman

I do not know if you know this but your average dating site is geared towards women… the reason they do this is because a lot of guys are creeps and will send them unsolicited dick pics. I do not know if girls do not understand this concept but I see TONS of profiles that say “If you want to know more send me a message / email” on sites like tinder… where you can not make any contact if you want to know more unless they like you back… and usually I want to ask them more, so it seems like they are taunting me… ask more… oh wait, you can’t..

I see a lot of profiles stating they are a proud Feminist. This is a turn off, Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the only place for a woman is in the kitchen but the feminism I see today has gone far beyond equality into the realm of absolute insanity like the poster about a guy and a girl getting drunk and having consensual sex but the girl regretted it later made the guy a rapist… that is utter bullshit and that is the standard for modern feminism. If you’re proud of that… you seem to just be trolling for possible lawsuits you can file.

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I don’t understand why you would say you only date guys with X… it seems so limiting… X can be any number of things… the reason I put it on this list is something that actually includes me but at the same time it pissed me off… I saw a profile of a girl who stated that she only dated guys with tattoos. I am a guy with tattoos, so I guess I am safe for her ideal man but why would someone limit themselves in that way? I couldn’t see a guy getting away with stating the same thing about girls or something different… I won’t date a girl who doesn’t like Strawberry-Lemonade Gatorade… sure, it doesn’t affect their personality in any way but I am petty as fuck and like to come up with arbitrary rules for dating me. Such Bullshit.

I hope this list has been informative and educational for you ladies who join sites and torment the men on them. Please put forth a little more effort because you expect us to. Or maybe you don’t and I just don’t have whatever it is the fairer sex looks for… I don’t know. Fuck this, I am going to touch myself inappropriately to muted Kesha videos.