UPDATED!: Online Dating: Things that Drive Me Insane about Girls on the Dating Circuit

As the lonely bastard that I am and have always been, with the occasional exception, I am very experienced in Online Dating sites. I am possibly more experienced than any other four people combined, not because I have any luck at them or anything... I have just been joining them out of boredom since the late 90's. You name it, I am probably a member. Well boredom and the hope that someone will tolerate me. With my street cred being established, I am going to talk about some things that girls do on their dating profiles that drive me fucking batshit insane. The main reason for this is because it is ok for girls to have absolute shit profiles but guys have to be Gods among men, be 100% on point and have some flawless, next level shit to get noticed, much less get any replies. I know this because I think I have a pretty decent profile on most of them and I get about as much attention as a white crayon.

No More Nights of Blood and Fire

I am going to do my best never to put my heart in this situation again, time to put up some walls and pay for some hookers. Ladies, I may be emotionally unavailable and have a shattered heart, but some of you weirdos dig that in a man and it should make me more attractive to you, so I am free and available to give beard rides.

Where am I?! Who are you?! Why am I tied to this bed?! What the fuck is going on?!

Chris and I have spent large portions of the last several days talking about Sailboats. I told him that if he starts going through the process of getting a blue water boat, I will delay going overseas because I would MUCH rather go overseas on a boat than on a plane.