Howdy Y’all,

I was recently at my favorite Gas Station, Rick’s C-Store, peeing.

Well, I wouldn’t say favorite gas station, it isn’t a proper truck stop but it is the one I hang out at the most.

I go in there a couple times a night on the days I am at the dam to see my buddies in blue, my cashier friends and strippers.

Sorry, now back to the story…
I am peeing at my favorite urinal, I named it Judy (TAKE THAT FEMINISTS!)… actually, it is the only urinal.

So, I look down as I am peeing and what do I see?! Not my dick!, man I really need to diet.

No, I look down and see the urinal pad.

I have no idea why but I start to wonder about the urinal pad.

Why is it pink?

Why is it Plastic?

Why does it smell good?

How does it continually smell?

WHY THE FUCK IS IT TEXTURED?!

Being the weird bastard I am, I decide to now only try to figure out why but to also share with you what I learn and the goofy shit I think about.

When I was a kid, we had urinal cakes which broke down over time and it made sense how they retained their scent because they were breaking down. New layers of scent, as it were.

The best thing about urinal cakes was the fact that some poor bastard did not have to touch them because they would dissolve. In an advance that some would find regressive, we now had plastic/rubber pads that people have to handle.

My first search into the world of urinal screens (because urinal pads brought up the pads on the floor at urinals that have been popping up recently) brought up a website for Hybrid H2O. They explain a little bit about how urinal screens work though not how they keep their scent.

They state that urinal screens are made they way they are in order to slow and disrupt the flow of urine which helps aid in reducing splash-back.

Secondly, they help with a pleasant scent.

And lastly, they apparently give us something to aim at so we do not just pee willy nilly wherever they would like. Most urinal screens do not aid very much in the amount of splashback so my personal method is not to aim at the screen but to pull some straight Matrix style peeing and aim toward the side to use the entire wall of the urinal as a vortex to slow my pee down.

This may be too much information but I feel I need to be open and honest in Chop’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Baxter Clean Care did a vs. argument on urinal cakes and urinal screens and they say that urinal cakes can cause cancer, I did not look to see if Baxter is located in Commiefornia so the claim may be true.

They also stated that screens are easier to change than cakes but I do not understand how, cakes, you just throw a new one in, screens you have to remove and replace.

Clean Link did an article on the best type of screens to use and they also talk about the cancer-causing abilities of urinal cakes. Clean link is the best thing I have found to explain how screens keep their scent, which is nothing much at all, but it did tell me that there are screens out that have enzymes that attack the uric salts in pee while releasing a pleasant scent.and they are the best screens to get because getting the ones without the enzymes are the equivalent od paying someone to stand there and spray air freshener in someone’s face.

As for the texturing apparently that is made to help further in keeping pee from splashing back on you but in the ones that Rick’s has, they do not work very well based on this video:

Maybe if they peed to the side and swish/vortexed it in the hole like me, they would not have these problems.

Based on the video if you get the high shag, troll doll hair texturing, you have no splash-back and you can also remember being drunk in the 70’s.

Apparently, not all of them are pink but they seem to be the only ones I see.

I still do not know how they get the scent into the screen and how they get it to last for 30 days but now you and I know far more than we had ever hoped about urinal screen in general.

You’re Welcome.