Apparently, I am a Girl with Anxiety.

anxiety

Howdy Y’all,

A girl whom I hope to have an exceptional date with soon posted this on her Facebook page.

I read it, mostly because she is sweet as can be, gorgeous and showed signs of being mildly interested in me, and since the interest is mutual… we will say 80/20 (that’s right, I am feeling lucky), I figured maybe this was a way to learn a bit more about her.

Upon reading it, I realized I relate to this article a lot…

Fuck.

I am a girl with anxiety.

My plan for this article is to take each talking point and expand it on how it may relate to me and potentially other guys.

My work is not entirely benevolent though… I have to admit that I hope she will read it and like it and with any luck, it will give me a brownie point or two, or at the very least make it easier for the both of us to communicate with one another.

So, here goes nothing.

We are girls with anxiety.

9b834782f7396837cb8f7bf6ec41edecThe type that experiences emotional exhaustion we can’t even explain because we spend so much time thinking and planning and overthinking and apologizing and replaying scenarios in our minds wondering about different outcomes.

I do not know if I experience emotional exhaustion really, I may and just not realize that is what it is.

I do spend a lot of time overthinking and replaying scenarios in my head. When it comes to women, it usually leads me into a bit of a melancholic stupor. Other things it just makes me anxious to an extent.

We are girls with anxiety.

The type that has calendars booked and appointments set months in advance. The type who has everything color coded and organized and on some list that we always seem to accomplish even if it means losing sleep to get whatever we need done. We’d rather do that than ever disappoint anyone or disappoint ourselves. The type that never says no to people. The type that is always on time or speeding to get there, so we are, as we curse at red lights under our breath.

I use a calendar for work, planning out pay schedules and court dates and whatnot but in day to day, I don’t really… but then again, I usually do not have too much going on in my day to day.

I need to start doing more of this honestly because I have a million projects I do not make any headway toward usually, Chop’s Guide included, because I just kind of fuck off most of my time. Be it trying to be active on my facebook page for bail bonds or something else that, though moderately necessary, could potentially take a back seat to any number of potential monetizing projects I need to work on.

This is something I have developed in the last ten years probably, but I fucking despise being late.

I try to live my life by the rule that:

Early is on time,
On time is late,
Late does not happen.

I also hate to disappoint anyone, especially myself but have come accustomed to it.

b0d2e648e5ce6e6a72bc2c418f247f97--funny-as-hell-funny-shitI feel like I disappoint most people regularly though.

We are girls with anxiety.

The type that stays up at night and doesn’t sleep more than 5-6 hours because our minds never stop racing. We replay the past like it’s some catchy true (I assume she meant tune) that gets stuck in our head and we can’t stop. Fixated upon the past and people, we might have wronged, wishing we could say sorry even if it wasn’t entirely our fault.

Lately, this is true… as a matter of fact, today I woke up at 0200 and have not been able to go back to sleep since… I am finally getting tired it seems though.

I usually sleep pretty well once I get to sleep but some nights that is a challenge because my mind hates me, overthinking either keeps me awake or gives me weird dreams about the person or issue my mind is fixated upon.

Recently the girl who prompted this article spent the entire night in my head.

No those kind of dreams, jackass… not that I would complain, but these were all, at most PG-13.

I can’t remember it now, but it was kind of a weird dream.

We are girls with anxiety.

cf1454dfdcbee16bf240de06c3d83a9b--anxiety-disorder-cardioThe type that ruins relationships before they can even begin because we are so afraid of getting hurt again or led on and messed with. Maybe we manifest our fears to become reality. Because we worry so much. We are the types who are so careful with everything we do and say like a single wrong text could ruin a potential relationship. The girls who sit by their phone waiting for a response and that minor delay kills us inside. We answer quickly no matter what because that’s just what we do. We don’t play hard to get because that’s not how we operate.

^^^ THIS!^^^

I do not do the goofy ass, bullshit, got to act like you aren’t interested dating rules well. I believe I have mentioned this before.

If I like you and you confirm that you like me back, I get super fucking excited.

That excitement mostly manifests itself through the medium of text because usually I do not think to call and I can not spend every second I want to talk to them by their side.

I am super fucking excited about the girl who prompted this article, but she does not seem to be big into messaging, she is also very popular so the one time a week I get to see her, she is hard to talk to alone.

I am shy and do not want to butt in on a conversation, so I barely get to talk to a girl I not only REALLY want to talk to but who I am supposed to be taking out on a date in the near future. This will lead us to the next point made in the article, but I am not done working on this one yet.

The entire reason I keep up conversations with multiple girls though I am sure you are finding out there are some who take precedence is that I have been hurt before, pretty much without fail each time I try and I am ghosted continuously or have other ways to have my time wasted.

I am sure this fact and me being so honest about it could hurt potential relationships, including this one. I just hope those who may be willing to take the time on me realize that once we choose one another… everyone else no longer exists.

4645bd8df0f245e1e71515fb05359f27--anxiety-meme-anxiety-girlI try to be careful about everything I say with a potential partner, but at the same time, I am excited, they are usually about the only thing on my mind, and I have a tendency to overshare. Careful often flies out the window.

The delay in responding kills me; I have gotten ghosted so much that any significant delay, especially if I have seen them online since I wrote tends to prompt me to give up on them, thank them for the time they gave me and move on.

This is not to say that if they come back, I would not… but I try to remove them from my mind to not dwell on what I probably did wrong.

This whole section would probably be construed as me being clingy, but I am really not… if I am given a clear directive, be it positive or negative, I act accordingly.

You don’t dig me, cool, fun talking to you, hit me up if you get bored, I have other women who just became more important than you.

OH!, You do dig me… well, I need to set down this tasty beverage cause I am going to need both of my thumbs to type out this diatribe of unnecessary bullshit I am about to tell you, not because it is important but because I just want to share words with you.

Any words.

Which with my tendency to be an open book and my penchant for oversharing could be detrimental to you continuing to like me but it is who I am.

We are girls with anxiety.

The type that questions how someone feels. The type that needs reassurance even though that comes across as needy. We manage our expectations by trying to not get excited about a date because we know they can cancel last minute, but at the same time, we are looking forward to it.

0605cab04cf6d1eb1d2f4a5719b7ce45--infp-anxiety-anxiety-jokesFuck me… ^^^THIS TOO^^^

Like I said in the last one, any significant delay and I assume you do not dig me and I thank you for your time.

I have almost done so to the girl in question, but I am hoping that if I do not allow myself to become disheartened, good things may come of it.

From what I can tell, if she shoots guns, rides a motorcycle and likes British comedies, she is a classier, smarter, sexier, all around better version of me.

Minus the delays 😀

And that singing voice, good God.

That gave me a reason to like Karaoke.

I try not to get excited… sometimes it almost works… or I tell myself it does at least.

We are girls with anxiety.

The type that spends way too much time thinking why something ended and was it our fault. Replaying everything. Maybe we came on too strong. Because girls with anxiety take complete ownership of everything even if it’s not ours to claim.

Oh yes, I take the blame for everything.

I once wondered if I robbed a pool hall I used to work at and blacked it out because it was burgled one night after we closed.

It turns out it was the guy I closed with but, I overthink and accept the blame for most anything.

I recently had a very short romantic (if you could call it that) relationship with a lovely lady who I have liked for a while.

Needless to say, I was handily disposed of not long after, and I assume it was something of my doing.

Even moreso after seeing the next guy in line.

I do not exactly think of myself as a catch in most cases, which is what I hear is one of the reasons I am generally alone, but upon seeing this cat, I was borderline insulted.

I must have really fucked up somewhere in there, cause damn.

CfckOOCWwAAjSxgWe are girls with anxiety.

The type that tries a little too hard sometimes. Cares a little too much. Has every best intention but is still figuring out how to express that clearly. We fixate upon flaws we wish we could change only to realize this thing is with us and probably has been for a while now.

This is where I assume I fuck up in most of my potential relationships.

I do not do the act disinterested thing well at all, it isn’t that I am trying hard or anything… if I like you, you are my favorite thing.

I am not made for such a jaded society, I guess.

But at the same time, It is hard for me to relay my thoughts on you because my default setting is you are acutely aware of the flaws I see, and I have already lost the fight so why bother.

We are girls with anxiety.

We strive for perfection beating ourselves up every time we fall short. The Overachievers. The goodie goodies. The one who always excelled in things and everyone said we made it look easy. Little did they know how hard we were on ourselves. How much sleep we lost to achieve these things. Our self-worth is defined by our accomplishments, and if we aren’t excelling or coming in first, we consider that a failure. We associate happiness with achievement. But there’s this taunting voice that tells us we are bound to fail and lose everything we have. Then that fear triggers procrastination, and we add more stress to our lives doing things last minute.

I relate to and do not relate to this one.

I am far too much of a slacker a lot of the time, and that bothers me, but I was never the one who made things look easy so far as I know, maybe some of my old friends can add their comments on this one.

I do not know if I really define my self-worth by my accomplishments.

I put a lot of stock in the exciting things I have done, and they comprise the better part of my stories, so maybe I do.

Maybe that is why I feel so useless being stuck, lonely in one spot and the reason I started Chop’s Guide in the first place.

9ce3bcef3964e8d87d6d5a863692da3b--sick-jokes-nihilistI am a procrastinator from way back, I think that stems from being a slacker more than a voice telling me that I will fail… I already know I will fail, but I fight regardless.

We are girls with anxiety.

Wanting only to be liked and accepted even though we struggle greatly to find that within ourselves. We play it cool in a social setting, but under the surface, we wonder if what we said was stupid. We wonder if everyone is staring at us or is it just in our head. We wonder if anyone even wants us here.

I am 90% positive everything I say is stupid, or in relation to the ladies… something they did not want to know or hear.

I tend to make friends easily but also have the pure joy of wondering why they want me around.

I love them for the fact that they do though even if I question their sanity.

We are girls with anxiety.

Thinking we have to overcompensate to get people to like us, so we try really hard and go over the top for people we care about because sometimes we wonder if being ourselves is enough and if that’s okay.

I do not really go over the top, or at least I do not see it as going over the top.

This upcoming date, for example, my plan seemed completely rational to me but my brother, upon discussing it with him, said that I may be setting the bar too high for the first date and if that is the case, I may have always done this.

I once had a girl tell me that not only did a date with me change her life but I set the standard for dates.

I took this as a compliment although she kept me on the back burner which ended up killing it for me.

My brother said this could be one of my issues.

It isn’t trying hard for me.

I like to show a girl a nice time, but then again of the first date is the party scene from The Count of Monte Cristo (when he shows up in the balloon and announces himself)… then where do I go from there.

He says maybe focus more on a little more low-key on the first date to get to know one another and build up to traveling and whatnot if I make it past this first hurdle of trying to keep my ass out of friendzone.

I am going to try this out, I hope she will like it.

Now I am scrambling to plan something else out, I have a couple of ideas though.

We are girls with anxiety.

22814146_1850963441884451_2041919867793416881_nTriggered by the fear of people leaving. Because when they do, we always fall apart. Whether it’s friends or relationships, we wonder why didn’t they stay? Why didn’t they care enough to? What could have done? And what can I still do to fix this?

This is where my shattered heart, lack of self-worth and emotional walls help me out, I guess.

I get a little down, and it was my fault, but for the most part, I move on fairly quickly.

We are girls with anxiety.

Fixing things that aren’t even real problems anywhere else but in our head.

I am not sure if I do this really…

We are girls with anxiety.

The type who enjoys drinking once in awhile but worries we’ll overdo it saying slurred words we regret. We wake up reliving the night before swearing the drunk version of who we are is going to be what makes us lose all of our friends. It’s the moral hung over that’s worse than the actual one. In the moment we swear we’re fine because being drunk is the closest we come to living without anxiety. But eventually that fades away, and it’s back to the reality.

I am sure there are some guys who do it… I rarely drink and have only been drunk once and though I blacked out a little… I was still mostly me.

We are girls with anxiety.

The ones who need things over-explained. The ones who sometimes need proof of what you’re saying. Not because we don’t trust you, but anxiety makes us believe we can’t. Needing someone who is going to be two steps ahead of the thoughts we have and not be angry with us when we ask questions.

I do like things explained and details, but I do not know how well I relate to this one.

I generally trust people unless given a reason not to.

0808dad8adf60246d6a6b10cc81c908c--infj-introvertWe are girls with anxiety.

Ones who struggling with communicating things but try so hard to say everything so clearly. Most conversations will start with an apology. Something we thought long about. Needing someone who knows how to bring us down in moments we start spiraling. Someone who knows exactly what to say and do to calm us down.

I do have a problem explaining things in person.

Hell, I have problems explaining things in text.

I have often used notes or my writing programs and other things to line all my thoughts out and edit them time and again before sending… if I ever do.

I still have one saved for the girl I mentioned earlier that I never sent which I now count my blessings for because I already felt like enough of an idiot throughout that whole clusterfuck, now a borderline insulted idiot.

Reminds me, I need to delete that.

We are girls with anxiety.

The ones who make up scenarios in our mind just so we are prepared with how we should respond just in case. The ones who anticipate endings just so we are not surprised. The ones who expect the worst of everyone and everything and still strive to give our best.

Oh fuck, this one.

I am continually preparing how conversations or life decisions may potentially turn out.

This is where the procrastination may come in.

The bad turnouts worry me into inaction sometimes.

If you are a friend, I never want to hurt you or have you think less of me so sometimes I hold back for that.

If I like you, I have both been rejected hundreds of times by you for any number of reasons in my head, and I have grown old with you hundreds of times in my head.

And any variation in between.

This is also occasionally when I lose my interest.

-anxiety-281127We are girls with anxiety.

The type who lacks confidence in basic decisions because we think too much about them. Struggle to find a balance of acceptance within us. We are our own worst enemies and harshest critics.

It isn’t so much that I lack confidence in a decision, it is that I have thought about all of the potential outcomes of it so many times, I am not sure which decision is the better one.

Or which is the lesser bad one in many cases.

We are girls with anxiety.

Overcome with irrational fears that almost bring us to our knees if we think about it too much. The type of girls who wonder too much if we locked the door or turned off the oven and we can’t rest until we know the things that need to be taken care of are.

I always worry about locked doors, but I do not think I have too many irrational fears.

Unless my almost certainty that I am supposed to be alone is an irrational fear.

I do get the occasional reprieve, but the end result will always be the same.

We are girls with anxiety.

We think about the future. We dwell in the past and struggle to live in the moment. And we hate ourselves for living like that.

Oh yeah, that’s me.

I love the lake and the people here, and I have made many new friends and potential romantic partners recently.

But I can not wait to leave them all (minus a possible romantic partner who wants to adventure with me).

While simultaneously wishing I had done so many things better or differently throughout my life.

We are girls with anxiety.

The type who wants to control everything because this part of our lives feels so outside our control. Honestly, we don’t trust too many people to do something right, so we take it upon ourselves.

Then things don’t go according to our plan, or someone isn’t on time our heart races a little quickly. We do a double a take looking at our watch. We uncontrollably break down because all we want are things to go right according to this plan we have in our mind. And even though we nothing ever goes as planned we still try. (I think she got a little excited about this paragraph)

I do not really want to control everything.

If I have ideas, I make them known usually but am fine being along for the ride in many cases.

a3cWe are girls with anxiety.

And the root of these feelings is just simply caring. We never want to hurt someone’s feelings or disappointment them or do anything that makes anyone else uncomfortable or unhappy. So we try. We try entirely too hard and feel everything entirely too deeply. We watch a little too close to the things people say and how they act. We pick up on the smallest of signs that something might change. We hate change, but we do our best to roll with the punches.

I tend to read far too much into a text message or a look or the way a word is formed, but fairly often I am right.

In some cases, it is nice because I kind of know things before they are said.

I knew the recent romantic exploit was doomed after that original night but had to try and fight until she confirmed it and I was released from the burden of trying.

I know which girls want my brother, even the ones he tries to put a good word in for me before he does and that is generally without even talking to them.

I am almost always right when I pick up on the signs of change.

I guess that is a sign I care too much even though I may let go too quickly.

We are girls with anxiety.

Whose favorite word is I’m sorry.

Actually, my favorite word is lucid… or fuck, but I do apologize a lot.

And as we struggle to accept this part of ourselves we’re in awe of those who love us unconditionally in the moments we think we’re unlovable and being completely irrational.

I do thank those who love me for whatever reason… I personally think you’re nuts, but I love you too, more than I can ever show.

I am a guy with anxiety who hopes girls with anxiety realize not only are they not alone but some of us feel the same way.

As always, please like, share and comment, would love to hear from you and maybe get some new readers with your help.

25182062_1746459418698178_6698203770319118436_o

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