This post was written in 2016 and was pulled down temporarily, enjoy.
I know I talk about hookers, cream pies and having a nice girl bounce on my beard quite often here at Chop’s Guide to the Galaxy but really, that is not how I started out.
Well, I always wanted a cute girl to be bouncing on my beard, that will never change, but other than that…
It may surprise you that growing up and almost my entire life to this point, I have wanted to belong to only one girl.
Not a particular girl, although when I was a child, I had thought it would be my best friend, Erin.
Kept that hope up through many of my school years, even after I moved from Mansfield, TX to Neelyville, MO.
I have talked to her parents a few times over the years, and I hear she is married with kids and happy, I am glad for her.
I hate that guy a little bit, though.
Along with my wanderlust, as you all know (and by all of you I mean the one sad bastard who reads my drivel), I also have a terrible fondness for foreign girls.
It started with British girls when I was growing up watching British Comedies with my mom.
Over time it has expanded to the rest of the world.
I am very open to dating any nationality and have spent time with many, if I can’t be with one, may as well conquer the world right?!
At age 36, I am currently at .03%… Fuck.
There are a couple groups of women that intrigue me most out of any.
Since college, I have been interested in Eastern European women (mostly Russian and Ukrainian although I dig them all)
I looked up some of the “mail order bride” sites back in the day in college and since.
There is no such thing as mail order brides now, but that’s what everyone calls them, so…
I remember my boy Chad telling me about how the Russian mob (братва = Bratva) would pay you x amount a month for 5 years if you would marry a Russian girl.
I remember thinking the money would be sweet but I really want a girl who would like me for me rather than a green card.
When I was in Iraq, I started watching Bollywood movies, I liked them and fell in love with the women, so naturally, I have been interested in traditional Sari wearing Indian women ever since also.
This whole thing is bringing me back to a story… Be patient.
I started working for an oilfield service company in North Dakota as a Flowback Operator.
This is my first job in the oilfield.
My second day on the job, I get sent to Ft. Collins, Colorado to work on a location with another new guy (who turned out to be a cock biting fucktard who tried to get me fired) and two experienced guys.
A young drunkard by the name is Justin Renfrow (who I was assigned to).
And an older, crotchety bastard by the name of Paul Bush. (Who the cum-guzzling gutter whore was assigned to.)
Justin and I worked for a week or so together on day shift (0200-1400), and Cockface McFuckhead, the new guy, started fucking up (because he was a monumental fuck up). He was also complaining about Paul on night shift (which ended up getting him fired after a couple weeks) so, they switched me and the dumb bastard.
I was with Paul, Renfrow was with the twatwaffle.
Paul was an angry, mean, crotchety codger until you got to know him and learned that most of his cantankerousness was just because he had a dry sense of humor… And he was an angry, mean, crotchety bastard.
I liked him pretty much immediately.
He taught me a lot of stuff, and in our downtime, which was a lot at night, we would fuck off on the interwebs.
It was one of these nights that would not really change my life forever, but I eventually hoped it would.
Paul told me about this website, but he couldn’t remember the name of it, bride something.
He would know it when he saw it.
A friend of his had told him about it, and he had been thinking about joining it.
We found it!
It was called A Belarus Bride.
It is not a super high speed, low drag site, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
They don’t have a ton of funding and IT skill, so maybe the girls could be real, wouldn’t that be pleasant.
Looking at you AnastasiaDate and so many others.
We looked all through the profiles on there, commenting on the girls, things we liked, things we didn’t like.
It was a fun time.
Over the course of the next couple years, we talked about joining and would separately go through the site to see the girls and to see if anything had changed.
The reason that we didn’t just immediately join was the fact that to become a member of A Belarus Bride, you have to become a lifetime member, and the cost was $1295 dollars. (I just looked, and it is now $1895).
I was making enough money in the oilfields and could certainly afford it, but that is a lot of scratch to be putting down just to become a member of the site.
I had to think about it for a long time, and Paul and I would talk about it a lot.
Finally, I got sick of talking and wrote them some questions about the process and things I had wondered about.
They wrote me back, and I decided to join, on payments, so it hurt less than all at once.
I was scientific as fuck about the girls I liked and who I was going to tell Greg and Nina (the owners) I wanted to talk to if they were available.
This was the final list I sent to them, I narrowed it down from about 30 to 8.
Two of them wanted to talk to me.
Nastya Var and Valeta Stad, the ones on each end.
One of the things I really like about A Belarus Bride is that when you are writing to a girl, you are the only man she can write to.
You can write multiple girls if you wish but they are only writing you.
Both of these girls were sent my introduction letter that I had created, and I was waiting to hear back from them.
The day I got my first letter, you would have thought it was Christmas if you were looking at me.
I would end up writing back a novel.
Maybe those long ass letters helped me with my poor writing on Chop’s Guide!
It was great, I had two gorgeous girls writing me… I wasn’t getting touched, but I was still in heaven with a side of lingering stress that I was going to have to choose between the two ASAP.
As time went on, I still liked them both, but Valeta said things that threw up red flags for me like how she wanted to redecorate her place before I arrived there but was afraid she couldn’t afford it.
I wasn’t sending her anything, and I doubt I would have been able to if I wanted to because I never got her contact info.
Valeta was certainly the more overtly sexual of the two which is something I do not mind at all, not that I need a girl to talk dirty to me or anything, but if you haven’t noticed yet, I do not hold many reservations of conversating about anything. With her bringing things up, I figured she would not be a prude upon us spending time together, which is a bonus.
Unfortunately, Valeta ended up being the girl who was sent to the wayside because though she was more fun to talk to and not as reserved, she absolutely refused to send me any more pictures than were on her profile.
This, I did not like.
The picture you see above was the only halfway decent pic on her entire profile, the rest were grainy and in general just shitty pics.
That and I wanted a pic or two just for me rather than the ones anyone could see.
I like to feel special.
She refused, we argued a bit, and I stopped writing her.
Anastasia on the other hand (Nastya is a nickname for Anastasia), did send me a couple pics which made me happy for a time.
Anastasia was not as open as Valeta but I still enjoyed writing her very much, and we started making arrangements to see each other in her home of Vitebsk, Belarus.
Anastasia and I wrote each other for a year.
During that time I learned several things that annoyed me about A Belarus Bride.
You see, to send these girls letters, you have to send them to Greg and Nina, they “translate” them (one page for free, more pages $8 a page) and send them to the girl.
The girl receives the letter, writes one back, and it comes back through the same channel.
I can be a trusting guy, but this bothered the fuck out of me.
It was ok for a while, but eventually, I was asking Anastasia if she would start writing me directly because I wanted to talk to her, not to her through a mediator.
It wasn’t the money, it was I don’t like other people reading my shit.
My brother doesn’t read my correspondence unless I ask him to.
I am a private guy, I like private conversations.
In general, no one knows anything about who I talk to unless something is really bothering me.
I like to keep things close to my chest so if it goes sideways, it is far less embarrassing.
According to Nina and Greg, she did not feel comfortable writing me directly which was the beginning of the end for me with Anastasia.
If she could not feel comfortable after writing me for a year, then what was I even doing telling her everything about me through mediation?
And the fact that all I have for it is Nina and Greg’s word for it as to her wishes, for all I know they may have left that bit out of my letter and added her response into mine.
I am pretty trusting, but that only goes so far.
Some of the reasons I would think like this were holidays, for example.
I am VERY OCD about gifts I give to people.
If I personally do not like it, I will not buy it.
I never got the contact information for either of the girls I was talking to and according to Nina and Greg, sending anything through the post to Belarus would result in the girl having to pay money to receive it.
I could see that happening because post offices around the world are not known for being trustworthy.
I have a buddy who sent a gift to his girl in Ukraine, and when she got it, half of everything was stolen.
One time when I was in Iraq on a trip back from Russia, I sent myself a box from Dubai.
After the box had arrived, I received a letter from one of the postal workers telling me that I needed to send him another $400 for the package that I had sent myself.
So, I can see this happening, but when I told them about a place I found in Belarus that delivered to the door of the girl and was not the Post Office, they shot me down for that saying it was a scam.
I would rather be able to pick my own shit out and find out it is a scam for myself rather than taking your word for it.
So, anyway, every holiday there was the same four things you could buy.
Chocolates – this one I can deal with, hard to fuck this up
Roses – also something I can deal with though a little less so, I am very particular about flowers too and usually do not buy roses. I like things more colorful (Eastern European countries only get flowers in odd numbers… even numbers are meant for funerals. SEE! I teach you shit! Now you know!).
Perfume (“the good stuff” according to Greg… just “the good stuff” no brand) – this was not something I could ever deal with because if I can not smell it first, I am not buying it.
Fuck, the closest store for the cologne I usually get is located in London, England and the only place I ever went to get it was Dubai.
A gold necklace, this is the same thing, if I can not see it, I am not buying it…
And I hate Gold.
I only ever bought chocolates and roses but I sure as fuck would have wanted to personalize my gifts a little more.
Also, I never got pics of them with the gifts so, for all I know, the thank you was from Greg and Nina for the cash I just flushed down them.
I am trusting, but it only goes so far.
Oh yeah, that shit was expensive too… Another reason I wanted to take my chances with the possible scam things I could see for myself to pick out.
I would have gone so far as to buy both from Nina and Greg and from the other place if I could have just gotten a damn address for Anastasia or Valeta.
Through out this time frame of writing these girls, which was mostly enjoyable, Paul joined up and became a member with me.
And Paul started talking to a girl who seemed pretty nice, and she stole Paul’s heart when she said she liked to fish.
One of the things that Greg and Nina like is for members to go to Ohio and meet them if they have a chance.
Paul and I worked three weeks and then we were off a week in the oil field, so we had planned on going in May of 2014.
Unfortunately, right before we were to take our trip my best friend, Paul died.
I ended up going to meet Greg and Nina alone.
We had a fun time, they bought me a meal and took me out on their boat.
I miss Paul.
I was set to meet Anastasia in January of 2015.
I was annoyed that she didn’t trust me enough after over a year to let me speak directly to her so when something came up that hurt my timeline for going to Belarus, I didn’t complain too much and ended up not going.
Anastasia stopped writing me after that.
Going on the trip through Greg and Nina was also super expensive for someone who has been around the world.
The only reason I opted for it was the fact that they were very down on doing any other way because they make Belarus out to be this horrible yet beautiful/fantastic place, like they want to keep it all close to their chests.
I mentioned possibly moving to Belarus to them the other day, and they tried to shoot me down on that, telling me it would be hard.
I have to make a Visa run every three months in Thailand to another country… How much harder could it be?
I survived Iraq, I can survive Belarus, and I know that place is not more expensive than Moscow though you would think it was buying things through Nina and Greg.
I am a lifetime member and would LOVE to be able to speak to a girl again.
I want to be able to do it on my own terms after a few messages, even a few months and not through them.
I do not want to wait until I can make the trip over and can get the girl to write her contact info for me because it is not until then that she trusts me.
No one I have ever met is that untrusting after a year unless they have issues.
Even Skyping was through Nina and Greg, like I had to physically be in Ohio to Skype Anastasia.
I really like Nina and Greg and I do not want this article to sound like I don’t.
I am just a particular guy who has a hard time giving up my OPSEC. (Operations security (OPSEC) is a term originating in U.S. military jargon, as a process that identifies critical information to determine if friendly actions can be observed by enemy intelligence, determines if information obtained by adversaries could be interpreted to be useful to them, and then executes selected measures that eliminate or reduce adversary exploitation of friendly critical information.)
(Still teaching you shit!)
It is not so much that I need to be in control, I just hate more people being involved in the process than needs to be.
A Belarus Bride is an excellent group of individuals trying to help lonely bastards such as myself out, and I really would recommend them if you can deal with having a mediator and not being able to send the gifts that you wish to send.
I know they have helped a lot of guys get away from the modern westernized woman and I think all the time about trying this again because a part of me wants to belong to someone… Someone who is most likely not here in the states.
I just don’t know if I can deal with all the extra bullshit… you know… The good stuff.
What do you think?
I worry that if Nina and Greg ever see this, they will revoke my membership.
But I am only being honest about how I felt.
Something reminded me of this, and I really do think about trying this again quite often.
Maybe if I start out asking for the girls who will be willing to email me directly after a “getting to know you” period.
As always, please comment, give me feedback and share!