Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day ye scurvy dogs!

Today be 19 Septembree 2016 or better known as th’ 15th annual International Talk Like a Pirate Day or ITLAPD for short!

All o’er th’ world today, thar be loads o’ Seafarin’ hearty Parties goin’ on an’ I hope that ye all live close enough t’ one t’ be able t’ enjoy ‘t.

Based on th’ main ITLAPD website, thar be only one single party in Missouri which makes me sad but maybe thar be somethin’ goin’ on that jus’ weren`t updated on th’ website… otherwise, we be jus’ borin’ sons of a biscuit eater who, bein’ in a (mostly) landlocked state, be havin’ lost our will t’ party like shipmates!.

If ye do happen t’ be havin’ a party ye be goin’ t’ here be some pickup lines I stole from Talk Like a Seafarin’ hearty`s website.

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
…And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …
1. Prepare to be boarded.

Bonus pickup lines (when the ones above don’t work, as they often won’t)

They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.
You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?
Wanna shiver me timbers?
I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.
Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.
That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Let’s get together and haul some keel.
That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates

By popular demand …

10. What are YOU doing here?
9. Is that a belayin’ pin in yer britches, or are ye … (this one is never completed)
8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!
7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, “Cap’n Feathersword?”
6. That’s quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!
5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I’ve had a twenty percent decrease in me “lice ratio!”
4. I’ve crushed seventeen men’s skulls between me thighs!
3. C’mon, lad, shiver me timbers!
2. RAMMING SPEED!
…and the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:
1. You. Pants Off. Now!

If ye can think o’ any more, please let me know.

ARRR, now on t’ some other shipmate goodness.

Thar be usually two lines on th’ shipmates o’ old, th’ legend shipmates wi’ hearts o’ dubloon or th’ down starboard, need t’ be strung up, criminals.

Most o’ yer shipmates fell somewhere on th’ yardarm, they did do some heinous things aft in th’ tide but they weren`t all bad an’ actually lived by a pretty decent code.

Fer example, one some boats, if a crew member tookst advantage o’ a girl against th’ lass’ will, they would be shot or marooned.

Maroonin’ may nay sound too bad at first but they didna maroon them in lush tropical paradises generally… they be marooned in places that they had a high chance o’ starvin’, dehydratin’ an’ dyin’.

Another cool thin’ they did be if they got injured while working/fightin’ on th’ ship, they be paid ou’ X amount o’ pieces o’ 8 fer sustainin’ th’ injury in th’ employ o’ that vessel.

One common myth that sea dogs an’ land lubbers includin’ me believed fer most o’ me life be that some shipmates buried the’r booty. This be, in general, a falsehood. Some shipmates gained great wealth through the’r adventures but far more common shipmates spend all th’ treasure they could get the’r hands on as if they wouldna be seein’ next high tide’ which, fer them, be a very real possibility.

They didna save treasure on accoun’ o’, almost as a whole, they did nay figure on bein’ around long enough t’ spend ‘t if they did so.

Unlike th’ Navy an’ most ships in history really, Th’ Captain an’ head crew members be voted on before th’ onset o’ th’ voyage an’ if th’ Captain proved hisself unworthy o’ th’ title, they be demoted an’ someone else be voted captain.

Thar be one recorded instance that a boat voted in 13 Captains on a single outin’.

If ye be someone like me who dasn’t be havin’ time fer partyin’ today, ye can show off yer Pirattitude in different ways.

Me favorite means o’ doin’ this would be t’ find th’ lass ye like most, cuddle an’ watch some great shipmate movies an’ TV shows.

Television series based on Piracy:

Crossbones: This series be set durin’ th’ golden age o’ sweet trade in th’ 1700s an’ centers on legendary buccanneer Blackbeard. I be havin’ nay seen this yet nor had I heard o’ ‘t prior t’ this post but John Malkovich stars as Blackbeard so ‘t has t’ be good.

Black Sails: This series features Captain Flint an’ his buccanneers, twenty voyages prior t’ Robert Louis Stevenson`s classic “Booty Isle, arrr”. I be havin’ seen an’ love this series. Great storyline, badassery, nudity, ships an’ th’ deep blue sea. Unlike Crossbones, this series be still ongoin’ tho, unfortunately, I b’lieve this be th’ last season.

So far as I know, this is the end of Piracy TV.

Movies that Piracy has a part of (80’s and newer):

Savage Islands: I be havin’ nereseen this movie but ’tis on a lot o’ lists as a great swashbuckler movie an’ ‘t stars a younger Tommy Lee Jones.

The Goonies: Though nay neccessarily a Seafarin’ hearty Movie, this be one o’ me favorite movies o’ all time an’ without th’ great Captain One-Eyed Willie t’ be a plot point, we may be havin’ nerehad this movie t’ watch. If ye be havin’ nereseen this movie, slap yersef.

Cutthroat Island: Listed in th’ Guinness Book o’ World Records as th’ biggest box office flop o’ all time, but don’t let that avast ye watchin’ Cutthroat Isle, arrr. I jus’ recently watched this fer th’ first time an’ tho ’tis nay one o’ me favorites, thar be a couple scenes that be good an’ a couple times Geena Davis does too.

Muppet Treasure Island: Any muppet movie comes across t’ give ma reason t’ mention ‘t, I will. Muppet movies remind me o’ me wee cousin Jeramy who be me lifelong deck mate fer watchin’ these goofy movies. This one stars Tim Curry as Long John Silver an’ ‘t follows th’ plot line o’ th’ book Booty Isle, arrr.

Yellowbeard: This movie be great. Yellowbeard be let ou’ o’ prison in order t’ lead th’ authorities t’ his booty. On th’ way he finds th’ lad he nereknew who turned ou’ t’ be an intellectual much t’ Yellowbeard`s dismay. Th’ cast be superb in this film also, Graham Chapman, Peter Boyle, Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong, Marty Feldman, Eric Idle, Madeline Kahn, John Cleese, so many great names.

The Princess Bride: It would be inconceivable t’ be havin’ a Swashbuckler movie list without Th’ Dread Pirate Roberts havin’ a spot on ‘t. Tho also nay technically a “Swashbuckler Movie” Th’ Princess Bride along wi’ th’ Goonies set me on me love fer th’ life o’ a Buccaneer. This be one o’ me favorite movies o’ all time that features a kick-arse seafarin’ hearty an’ a romantic comedy type story so ye can easily watch ‘t wi’ yer lady love. Also, Andre th’ Giant.

Pirates: I be havin’ nereseen this movie on accoun’ o’ ‘t causes me a moral dilemma. I LOVE Walter Matthau who starred in ‘t but I despise th’ Child Rapist piece o’ bilge water Roman Polanski who directed ‘t. Thus be me dilemma but if ye be havin’ watched ‘t, tell me about ‘t.

Stardust: This movie be also among me favorites an’ e’en if ’tisn`t a “Gentleman o’ fortune Movie” Robert De Niro`s part as Captain Shakespeare th’ cross-dressin’ swashbuckler captain makes ‘t worth a mention on th’ list. This be th’ only movie that I be havin’ found t’ be better than th’ book an’ ‘t has a great cast wi’ loads o’ big names. Claire Danes be, quite possibly, at th’ lass’ dreamiest in this role. Swabbies, grab yer lady an’ watch this movie, ye will both enjoy ‘t.

Pirates: The most expensive porn movie o’ all time as o’ 2005 an’ possibly still today. ‘Tis a superb movie wi’ a lovely squadron o’ beautiful actresses. Jesse Jane, Carmen Luvana, Janine, Teagan Presley, Devon, an’ Jenaveve Jolie be th’ main female characters in ‘t 129-minute visual masterpiece. ‘Tis definitely worth th’ watch an’ th’ DVD comes wi’ bonus features an’ everythin’.

I will leave ye wi’ this fer now an’ I hope ye be havin’ fun an’ be safe on this, th’ best holiday o’ th’ voyage.

Keep th’ wind in yer sails an’ th’ barnacles off yer hull or else ye bee keel hauled.

Enjoy th’ swashbuckler tunes below to get ye in th’ mood, ye sons of a biscuit eater!

 

Also… Roberto Clemente was a pirate…