Howdy all,

A new fun spot is opening up in Osage Beach, Missouri,  The Get Air Indoor Trampoline Park.

Though a pretty nifty sounding place, normally I wouldn’t really be interested in it because I figure it isn’t exactly a place for me and even if it was I would probably end up breaking either me or the trampoline park.

The reason I mention this business and it does interest me is because my nephew is one of the first employees at this establishment of bounce and as much as I love him, I think this mention will embarrass him. As the proper uncle that I am, embarrassing my nephew is one of my great joys in life.

They have already put him through CPR training and I have to say I am proud of him for passing.

From what I understand, he is going to be a trampoline lifeguard or somesuch.

I hope he enjoys the job and averts his eyes at all the gravitationally unencumbered ladies enjoying this academy of air… he has a girlfriend after all.

Something else I just learned about through an email I got from Travel & Leisure is the NIMB.

NIMB is a ring that you can wear that alerts law enforcement and anyone else that you want to be alerted if you are ever in a bad situation, such as an attempted rape, robbery or kidnapping.

I am sometimes crude and talk about some red light type things here on Chop’s Guide but I am of the opinion that any rapist should be violently killed and love ANYTHING that comes out that helps prevent rape and crime in general.

Please be aware that this is not the bullshit, modern feminist, every man is a rapist version of rape that I am referring to. I mean physical, rape or attempted rape.

Watching the video of the NIMB, the design team all have European accents which makes a lot of sense because Europe has all but outlawed people’s god-given right to protect themselves, so rape is a big thing over there because there is next to no ability for anyone to fight back.

I know rape is a big issue everywhere but I see far more good news stories of rapes being averted by two to the chest and one to the head in the states than I hear from anywhere else.

Even using a knife to protect themselves is not something I have seen much of from Europe… but then again, as an example, since Britain banning guns failed to stop violent crime, now they are looking at banning knives… illogical nanny statism at its finest.

But regardless of Europeans making themselves slaves to the state, this ring is a superb idea for men and women, especially if they are traveling.

Unfortunately the only design they show to be offering so far are giant gaudy rings that I could only see women and effeminate men wearing at the moment and they are not going to be available until at least march of 2017.

The way the ring works is there is a button on the inside part of the ring that you can press with your thumb. As soon as you press the button, the GPS tracker kicks in and it calls any number that you have programmed in it to let friends, family, and police know you are in danger.

I do not know if the number for the police changes as you travel or not or if you have to reprogram at each place you go.

For those who haven’t traveled, 911 is not the number for emergency services everywhere. I assume most people know this but it blew my mind when I learned it… I figured 911 was global.

I never claimed to be the brightest block of cheese sitting over the fireplace.

I would love to see new designs they come up with because this ring would be something I would be interested in and, if inexpensive enough, something that would make a great gift for those you care about.

Not that they aren’t worth it no matter the price… I was just thinking about getting everyone you care about one and if they are $1000 a pop or something, spending your yearly salary for every important person in your life doesn’t sound terribly financially responsible… maybe mom will be protected in a few years after you get the wife and daughters taken care of.

Unless of course the daughter is dumb and will probably fail college anyway… save on college and get mom that ring.

I just looked, they will retail for $298… so it’s not that bad… but your daughter is still dumb, go on vacation instead.

If they come out with a guy version… your son is probably dumb too.

You know what’s not dumb?! This:

 

I’m kidding, I am sure you have the smartest kids in the world and working yourself into an early heart attack for them to go to college on your dime and have their safe space is probably for the best. I mean, who really wants to go to this beach anyway?

As a side note, I have run into several situations where the loved ones aren’t worth the price.

Back when I had my gun store, I had this couple come in looking for a pistol for their daughter to use since she was going off to college.

Now, in life, you have you have people who are willing to pay for quality and people who aren’t.

This reminds me of a story I once heard about an old man selling Terra Cotta Flower pots.

Someone noticed that he had a stack of pots for $5 and a stack of the same exact pots for $10.

He asked the old man why he had different prices for the same thing and the old man said that even though they are the same pot, some people want to spend $5 for their flowers and some people want to spend $10 to feel as though the gotten a better product.

I was some moral fable, this writing thing brings up a lot of tidbits I have gleaned over the years apparently…

But back to the story.

Some of the guns we had in our store were not quality and as I am a very honest person, I will tell people straight out if the gun they are looking at would not be in my hands unless I had not other choices because I do not trust them.

Now, for those who are not experienced in gun buying, there are some pistols that start from down at $100… great price, but as with most things in life, especially guns and tattoos, you pay for quality.

Also, as a life lesson, STOP TRYING TO HAGGLE THE TATTOOISTS! Go get a shitty tattoo in a garage, you cheap fuck!

Now, this couple, who were very concerned about their daughter’s safety, really wanted to get their daughter a gun.

I showed them some very good, compact, concealable, self-defense pistols, such as a Glock 42, Sig P238, Springfield XDM… loads of great, reliable pistols.

The father started asking about the lower end guns like Jiminez and Hi-Points.

I told him honestly what I thought about them, that they are great house hide guns and target range guns for fun shooting but you couldn’t pay me to carry one for a self -defense gun.

This gentleman then tells me that he really didn’t want to spend more than about $250 for the pistol that he expected his daughter to have to protect her life with.

They did not look too bad off, nice vehicle, nice clothes… it almost made me sick.

So, I guess some people can put a monetary amount on their family.

Don’t be those people.